As Crystal

Remember that post two weeks ago about how things in my life felt very much in flux?

Well, I’m happy to say that I can clear up some of the more opaque parts of that post. I didn’t want to go too deep into the situation at the time, because it was delicate and the Internet never forgets. However, now I can tell you, because everything has worked out for the best!

Specifically, I was concerned about job and money stuff, and I was just offered a great new job that starts on October first.

I know, pretty exciting, right? But wait, you don’t even KNOW. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.

This new job involves online advertising and project management…

…for a team in New Delhi.

I.

Know.

But wait, maybe you’re a newcomer and you don’t know why this is super perfect. You see, Delhi and I have history. Which, actually, is why I got this job.

I have a minor in South Asian Studies. I studied abroad in Delhi for four months in 2008. I have a handful of friends there who keep asking me when I’m coming back to visit. Now I get to say, “Sometime in the next year!”

I also tend to lapse into a bad (well, decent) Indian accent when I’m intoxicated, and I’ve been clinging to my elementary Hindi for years. So everyone’s been asking me, “Laura, was this job made for you?”

It appears so, friends. It appears so.

So right now, my life’s good-versus-bad-meter has jumped off its track on the “good” side. And that makes me feel happy, excited, grateful–

Nervous–

Nauseous–

Suspicious?

There’s a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s a big part of me that’s being very careful in case everyone being so good to me right now has me confused with another young woman, and in case they realize and take it all away again.

Or in case there are secret terrible aspects to all the great things that are coming my way.

And then there’s the “oh no, everything is changing!” reaction, which hit me at about 3pm yesterday and didn’t wear off completely until this morning.

Isn’t it funny how hard it is to be completely happy with and satisfied about something?

If you’re lucky, or pure of heart, or whatever, you get a shot of joy when you find out about the good thing. That’s the “You’ve Been Selected For ‘The Price Is Right!'” moment where you jump up and down and scream and cry and lose your head. Um. Internally. Because you’re an adult, of course.

But it really doesn’t take long for the doubts to creep in. What if I can’t do this new, exciting thing? What if I’m making a huge mistake? Won’t I miss the way things used to be? What if it’s as good as I think it is but then I lose it somehow?

Next thing you know, you’re paralyzed, lying under your duvet with a melting pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Fro Yo and unsure if you’re going to cry or throw up.

Um.

In a metaphorical sense.

Because you’re an adult, of course.

It feels so logical to think that life is a pair of balancing scales. When one thing gets better, something else has to get worse, or else everything tips and falls apart. The truth, though, is that life is a series of plateaus (plateaux!) in a hilly terrain, and every time you reach a new resting place, it has its own drawbacks and advantages, sometimes more of one, sometimes more of the other. Then you stay there until you’re motivated to move on.

Because that’s the other thing that happens when we get what we want. After the adrenaline wears off, we get used to having it. The ground levels off and we’re back on a plateau, maybe higher than we were before, maybe with a nicer view, but still essentially standing on some flat ground that we’ll cover like we’ve covered plenty of flat ground before. Then the danger becomes appreciating how high we’ve gotten, even when we’ve been there long enough to almost believe we’ve never been anywhere else.

Them plateaus be steep, y’all. You don’t know when you might trip and tumble over the edge, or even decide to climb down, just to see what it’s like.

So. Happy. Grateful. Keeping things in perspective. That’s what I’m trying to be and do right now. Thank you for all of your support, and now I think I’ll take some time to enjoy this beautiful view.

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Filed under Musings, Story Time

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