I think it’s highly unfair that I have to keep re-learning the same life lessons over and over again.
We wouldn’t stand for this in schools. If someone were to demand that an A student in calculus take the exact same Calc I course for a second time just to make sure she “really got it,” communities would be up in arms! Students would riot! Tuition would skyrocket and our economies would collapse!
So why, may I ask, do I hit cycles of learning and re-internalizing the value of communication or the legitimacy of saying no or the necessity of self-distraction and letting time heal all wounds?
It is, I suspect, due to those most remedial of inner students, the emotions. Well, I’m not impressed. Sure, you’re flashy and demand attention and throw tantrums in the internal equivalent of the Walmart aisle, feeling of anger toward hypocrisy. I see you, existential depression, turning over the metaphorical tables in the temple of the heart. But I don’t want to give in to bad behavior anymore. It’s time for some emotional tough love, or I’m going to go the Buddhist-nun route and deaden you troublesome emotions at the root. Mom’s in charge, and her name is the Brain.
Fine, I know, you’ll feel what you feel and you have to let yourself feel that and by doing so you can get past it. I’ve even written blog entries about that. But I only have so much patience, and I’m not letting my inner three-year-old get away with any unnecessary indulgences. Buck up, buckaroo. Use those synapses. Apply those lessons from the past. Keep on keepin’ on.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m borderline histrionic right now or anything. Far from it. I’m just both aware and wary of the usually-dormant inner drama queen, and I’m stuffing my ears with wax to combat her siren song.
Besides, how can a person feel down when it’s almost Memorial Day and there are barbecues to be held, cold drinks to be served, and a lot of sunscreened UV-exposure to risk?